Free Crack
by Ka no Megami
Summary: CRACK FIC! Nagisa just broke out of jail, again and Makoto walks in on Haru and Rin in the bathtub. What the hell happen's from there? Fuck if I know. A fic tribute to Octopimp's 50% OFF abridged series. T mostly for swearing and Thug!Nagisa. Nagisa/Rei focus.


**[A/N]: Thug!Nagisa is the funniest shit ever. He's also not mine, he's OctoPimp's, I'm not trying to steal. Enjoy!**

Sirens blasted from the guard towers. A common guard busted through the wardens office out of breath. "What in kami's name are you doing Honda?" The warden bellowed. The young guard grabbed his knees and wheezed. "It's..._HIM, _again, sir..." He said. A gunshot rang out. "What the..." More bullets were fired, followed by the sound of manic laughter. "Come at me motha fuckas, I will never die! Hahahaha..." Screams and shout sounded off as they passed the room. The warden rubbed his temples. "What does that maniac think he's doing?" The radio on Honda's belt sounded. "_Khuu-_ HE'S HOPING THE GATE!" The radio went dead and another shot went off. "Sir...?" The warden exhaled. "This is going to be a problem."

Nagisa ran through the adjacent woods, his hands still cuffed behind his back. _"Man, this shit is stupid. If that prison had cable I wouldn't even have to do this shit. I have no clue what's happening on Glee anymore!" _He ran for about an hour or at least until his legs got tired (20 minutes). Stopping periodically to listen and make sure the dogs hadn't picked his scent up. If they did then Easter Dave was getting bitched the fuck out. He was running with pepper in his damn slip on shoes to keep them off his ass.

Two more hours passed before his feet final touched the dry asphalt of a road. "Now, if my memory serves me I gotta go that way." He tried pointing down the road, though the cuff weren't helping. "Oh man, this gonna be a long night." He walked down the abandoned road. "All I know is Haru better have TiVo the season finale of Sons of Anarchy, that's all I'm saying." The sun was just coming up by the time Nagisa managed to get his still handcuffed ass in town. He got half way up the concrete steps when someone came up behind him. "Nagisa?" Makoto said. "What are you doing out of jail."

"I go out early on good behavior. "He said.

"Really, cuz I heard there was like six shootings over there last night, and some of the guards ended up dead."

"Hey Makoto, do you know why we're friends?"

"Because we went to the same swim club as kids."

"No, because you know when to stop askin' me stupid questions and get me out of these." Nagisa said, holding up the metal bracelets. "You did break out again!" Makoto sighed. "Okay. Let's go to Haru's." They walked up the rest of the way. "Do you know how uncomfortable it is to walk in these things?"

"No, I've only had cuffs on in my sexy Haru dream."

"Come again?"

"Yeah I did!"

"What..?"

"Oh, look, we're here." Makoto said. He rang the doorbell and knocked a couple times. They waited. "Home boys probably in the tub again, man. Just break into his garage and get the bolt cutters."

"I don't know if he has a pair."

"Seriously, then why the fuck'd we come all the way up here!"

"Oh, wait. I have a pair in my bag, sorry." Makoto took the big choppers. "Aaawww. I think it got grease on the scarf I knit for home EC." He whined. Nagisa nearly popped a blood vessel. "You mean to tell me that we walked all this way and I feel flat on my face TWICE, and you had bolt cutters in your backpack this entire time?"

"Yeah..."

"Makoto I love you, but I might kill today."

He turned around, shoving the metal bracelets toward the other highschooler. "Just get these damn things off. I'm not into S&M crap, man. I mean, I tried it once with Rei, but the wax got everywhere and it hurt like a bitch. Plus, that old Puerto Rican maid my dad hired kept given me the evil eye after cleanin' the sheets and keeps sayin' 'matón desviada' under her breath whenever I rolled past." The blades grazed his wrists as the cutter sheared of the offensive accessory. "Yeah, freedom." Nagisa rubbed his wrists.

"I didn't know your dad hired a new maid. What happened to the 20 year old? By the way she never gave me back my Christina Aguilera perfume."

"Eh, I'm partial to Beyoncé's new scent. Anyway, she took some of the drugs and money my dad had stashed in his office."

"Nagisa, didn't you do that a couple weeks ago?"

"Yeah, but after what he did to that maid I ain't tellin' him that."

"What, did he fire her?"

"No, he just revoked her right to walk for a bit."

He looked down at his prison jumper. "You think anything of Haru's would fit me?" "No. He has a 39'' chest measurement and a 38 1/4'' hip measurement. So, I don't think anything of his would fit you." The blonde thug seme shook his head. "I don't want to know how you know all that."

"He helped me with a sewing project. It's nothing creepy!" Makoto defended. Nagisa gave him a long look. "You copped a feel during that didn't you?"

"Yeah. It's not like he notice anyway; I told him I was making him a new pair of swimming shorts." He knocked again. "Haru, I'm coming in!" The wooden door was broken in in the next second and they were in. "Haru!" Makoto headed down the hall. "Yo, I'm gonna go grab a nutrigrain bar from the kitchen." Nagisa said. "You hate those."

"Yeah, but it's the only thing they gave us to eat for breakfast in lock up." he opened the pantry. "Man, all he got is blueberry! I wanted a strawberry one." Makoto went to the bathroom door. "Haru I'm coming in."

"No."

"Oh, and someone accidentally broke the front door agi-"

Haru looked at him pointedly. "I told you not to come in." Two sets of eyes turned toward him. Rin still had soap on his hand as he waved at Makoto. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?"

"Quit yelling." Haru deadpanned.

"Yo, Makoto."

"HARU, GET OUT OF THE TUB!" Haru didn't budge from Rin's lap and the redhead just continued to rub the soap into his back.

"No." Nagisa leaned in the door cramming the last bit of breakfast bar in him face. "Makoto don't you if a couple of dude's are in the same bathroom together that means someone's gettin' fucked, and if don't wanna be limpin' around the yard later you might might hell out of there."

"No it doesn't mean that!"

"It does in prison."

Rin stood up in the tub and toweled off the water from his tight fitted bathing suit. "I'm going to dry off. What do you want for breakfast?"

"Mackerel on toast." Rin made a face. "We had that yesterday."

"I want mackerel."

"...Fine." Rin went to grab the apron.

"So which one of you'd the seme, cuz I can't tell." Makoto proceed to turn to stone at this point. "Weren't you in jail?"

"Was."

"Rin's borrowing my guest room until the alarm systems installed so Nitori stops breaking into his house and smell his laundry."

"How come I'm not allowed to use that room anymore?"

"Because he doesn't crawl into bed with me after midnight."

"But I only do that every other Wednesday."

"Well as interesting as this is, I got some business to attend to, so I gotta borrow some your clothes Haru."

"Whatever."

"Is that phone I hid under the loose bored in your bedroom still there?"

"What phone?"

"Yeah, it's probably still there."

"Wait don't you still need a ride. I thought your dad took away your Prius after that drag racing incident."

"No. He made me sell it to pay back Rei after his car got blown up on account of that pissed off truck driver. I got someone comin' to pick me up anyway." A couple of loud knocks with evenly spaced pauses came from the broken front door. "Nagisa, I am leaving in 49.29 seconds If you are not out here by then you will require a new means of transportation." Rei said, adjusting his glasses. "I told you he'd miss me. Later sucker. Wait up sweet thang. I know this manager at a hotel downtown that owes me a favor and he'll let us test drive the platinum package for the honeymoon suite."

Haru reclined back in the water and Makoto looked at him. "So, am I allowed in the tub from now on?"

"No."

**[A/N]:) I saw no one on this site wrote a fic like this yet. This is Thug!Nagisa and if you haven't seen Octopimp's 50% abridged video's on YouTube then you don't know what the hell you're missing. Reviews are love, so if you love review.**

***Matón desviada – Deviant thug**


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